Does the idea of starting a new relationship fill you with excitement or dread? Whilst it might sound attractive for some, it isn't for everyone.
In fact, for many the idea of dating, or even flirting with someone new is absolutely terrifying! Just know, that wherever you are on the scale, you're not alone!
If you are ready for a new relationship but are still anxious you may be overthinking things. Can you even visualise the early stages in a new relationship without breaking a cold sweat?
Maybe you are dreaming about a new relationship right after a break up or divorce. Or perhaps you might approach them with caution or abandonment, or even indifference. Either way it could be a sign that you are still suffering the effects of your past. Beware. Bringing baggage into a new relationship should be a red flag. Before you know it, you could be back to square one.
Maybe you just need a breakthrough before your next adventure into relationships.
Getting over a break up or divorce can be draining, emotionally, physically and financially. So how long before new relationship goals come streaming into your consciousness?
Of course there are no strict time boundaries but there are a few things you might want to consider before you start dreaming about starting a new relationship. If you haven't seen the Stages Of Breaking Up I would recommend you read that page first then come back here to continue reading.
Starting a new relationship might be enticing but that new flame on your arm could still burn. Especially if you carry emotional baggage from your old relationships straight into a new one. If you were in a long term relationship before and you keep all you old habits, behaviours and beliefs, you will likely end up getting burnt sooner or later.
Einstein said the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over whilst expecting a different result.
Before you even think you need a new relationship give yourself time to heal and forgive. Give yourself time to be grateful for all the experiences you had together and more importantly the learning that you can take forward. There will be time to reflect and time to let your hair down. Use this precious time and beware the lure of a new long term relationship.
After all, a higher percentage of second marriages end in divorce than first time marriages.
Breaking up with with your ex will leave a scar, that needs to heal. If you are still picking at it ask yourself are you even ready for a new relationship?
Women heal differently, they pay attention to the wound, making sure it heals from the inside out. They may suffer for a little while but when its gone, its gone. Men tend to show off their wounds, like battle scars. They will stick a plaster on but pay little attention to the deep hurt that is being covered over.
Getting into a new relationship right after breakup could be like surviving Titanic only to be rescued by The Poseidon. Thats an adventure I'd let sail on by.
Would you start a new relationship with a "married person?" There might be an excitement, there might be a mutual understanding even, but are you really going to go through someone else's relationship drama whilst still playing out your own?
How about starting a new relationship with a divorcee? Now you both will be willing and able, but there are also boundaries that you might not fully understand.
You would think you ought to know better right? And still we seek out the thrills and pleasurable sensations of new relationships. But be warned, rebound relationships can be a massive source of anxiety, depression, and even demoralisation.
If you think you are ready for starting a new relationship, I would definitely recommend you read about understanding your Core Values In A Relationship.
Ok I get it. That all may sound a bit doom and gloom, but thats not my intention. I would never suggest to anyone that they deny themselves the pleasure of a new relationship experience.
Experience has taught me a lot about myself.
How to relax and explore intimacy in a new relationship.
How to stand on my own two feet.
How to express gratitude even if there was chaos all around me.
How to experience joy and capture the moment.
How to reach out and talk through my dreams and goals with someone I trust
Of course relationships can bloom and wilt but that's OK. If you never even plant a seed you will miss the beauty. If you never prune the roses you will end up with more thorns than flowers.
Each time you meet someone new you can become aware of peoples boundaries to a new relationship. Those boundaries may have been long forgotten with your ex, but now you will be starting out again from square one. Boundaries in a new relationship help you create the ground rules and help you test the waters before making a serious commitment.
Are you aware of yours?
You already know the stages of a new relationship. You have been there and no doubt worn that T-shirt. But if you have recently come out of a long term relationship the rules might be significantly different.
In the opening scene of Austin Powers II "The Spy Who S'd Me" Powers' new wife Vanessa turns out to be a fem-bot. After she tries to kill the international man of mystery she explodes! Powers has a brief moment of grief at the loss of his beautiful wife, but in the very next breath he realises he is single again and with a huge grin say's … "Yeah Baby!" Cue the music!
Not all relationship breakups are as quick to get over, but the idea that you should grieve for the rest of your life is just as ridiculous.
Life Coaching tip: Playlists are great tools for enhancing or shifting your mood. Go ahead and make up your own.
It is easy to become overwhelmed with information. Sometimes you need to trust your intuition. Intuition is when you know something but have absolutely no idea why you know it, but you know it anyway.
Did you ever get a gut feeling that something wasn't right? That's your intuition talking. We pay a lot of attention to intuition when it tells us about impending danger. Perhaps not so much when it signals potential pleasure. That is when the head takes over the choices we make.
If you are recently out of a relationship you may be over thinking barriers that stop you really connecting with someone new. That is a great self defence mechanism, which would stop you getting hurt. But it will also prevent any chance of starting a new relationship.
There may be many genuine reasons why you don't want to start a new relationship in the moment. But that will pass. There will come a time when you are ready to meet new people and experience love, and joy, and excitement once again. Always remember that you deserve to be happy to and if you need to put yourself first occasionally that is totally fine.
If there were children with your ex it may seem neglectful or selfish to be thinking about starting a new relationship. Of course you take good care of your children and they will always be your priority. But realise this; by not living your life to your full potential, denying yourself the opportunity to love and be happy, because of the children is also selfish.
You are always setting an example for your children, no matter what you do. If your example is that you do not deserve to be happy what do they learn? Before you know it, your children will be grown up and having relationships of their own.
Im not saying don't consider their feelings, but I am saying do the right thing. If this is a boundary for a new relationship think about opening up a conversation with them.
What do you say?
When should you introduce a new partner?
What should you absolutely not do?
These are all questions subject to huge differences of opinion and experience. It is yours that matter most. Why not share your thoughts and experience with your children. Talk with them about positive healthy relationships and what may happen if you did meet someone. Make sure they know they are still your little angels no matter what. Unless they are already in their twenties or thirties.
Don't miss an opportunity to be happy by overthinking a new relationship. Trust your intuition to be the guide.
Only you will ever know if you are ready to start a new relationship. Only you will know if you want to, or not. No-one can ever take that choice away from you except yourself.
Whenever the time is right or even before, life coaching could deliver a personal breakthrough for you.
A relationship breakthrough could mean:
Its your call.
Here is the play list for the stages of a new relationship, in case you were wondering:
1. Please don't stop the music - Rhianna
2. Make it with you - Bread
3. So amazing - Luther Vandross
4. Stars - Simply Red
5. Ain't Nobody - Chaka Khan
6. Don't you worry child - Swedish House Mafia
7. Nothings gonna stop us now - Starship
To Your Success
Relationship Breakthrough Coach provides life coaching in Mossley, Tameside, Uppermill, Saddleworth, and all surrounding areas. Sessions are available for men, women and couples who are ready to transform their health wealth and relationships.
Life coaching is a journey of self discovery. Your journey starts with your next step. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the next step. The power of life coaching will unlock your personal power to overcome obstacles that show up while you get to work on your dreams.
I sincerely hope you found what you were looking for. In the meantime see below for suggested pages to read next: