How to save a relationship

Life coaching questions for Overcoming the obstacles of a relationship breakdown

How do you save a relationship when the storm is whirling all around you? Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain.

Do you ever get that feeling like all hell is breaking loose in you Relationship? Relationship breakdowns or relationship beak ups don't need bullets but they can still knock you from your feet just the same. 

In this page you will find inspiration from song lyrics, poetry and more importantly life coaching questions for overcoming the obstacles of a relationship breakdown.

Be Your Own Life Coach

I remember hearing the inspirational words of Rocky Balboa

"Its not how hard you hit its how hard you can get hit, but then get back on your feet and continue the fight. Thats how winning is done."

He wasn't just talking about boxing was he?

Have you ever felt like you were knocked to the canvas in a relationship?

How did you get yourself back on your feet?

Some people find power in taking a man down to his knees but the real power when a man is down is bringing him back to his feet. 

Bring a Man Down to His Knees

And know I am well aware that you can bring a man to his knees

And get what you need without saying please

But can you bring a man to his feet when defeat is on repeat?

 -  Song lyric from Dedication to My Ex  - Lloyd feat. Lil Wayne

Making a relationship work

Before you try to save a relationship have you actually considered what it takes to make a relationship work? 

Relationships should be where you go to give, not to get. Overcoming the obstacles to love is the most heroic journey someone will take because their focus will never be on themselves. 

When relationship problems get the better of you you need to focus upon what is going on on the inside first. You need to work out where your needs are being met, but more importantly how you are meeting the needs of your partner.

You need trust in a relationship. Without it you or your partner will be tormented with insecurity. 

You need compromise in a relationship. Although in truth it shouldn't feel like compromise. You prune that which you no longer need to ensure the rose blossoms again and again. 

Perhaps you never fully considered what your expectations in a relationship were before you got into one. When would now be a great time to get some clarity in your thinking?

You need to recognise the power of moments to shape your destiny. 

The opposite of these could be red flags in a relationship. You may be at a crossroads or challenged to make a decision that can literally change your life. You never planned to be at the point of needing to save a relationship but what do you do now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

What are your relationship goals?

Overcoming the obstacles to save a relationship

Understanding relationship challenges can come from any area of your life. That is why the Wheel of Life Coaching tool can be so effective. It will help you visualise where the challenges are coming from. Just knowing what is out of balance in your own world will not save a relationship but taking the right action might.  

Remember the cabin crew safety advice presentation? Put your own oxygen mask on first before reaching out to help others put theirs on. There is nothing selfish about this. In fact it is this kind of thinking that means you are able to help others instead of waiting for someone to save you. You become part of the solution instead of the problem.

Relationship problems aren't only about what goes on between you and your partner. The outer level challenges can be just symptoms of powerful currents beneath the surface. 

Whats really going on underneath the surface?

Shining a light on relationship problems

When you identify a challenge in your relationship you get curious. Not about your partner. They are only responding to the scents, sights, sounds and feelings you are creating around them. How they process those sensory inputs is up to them. If it isn't their flavour they wont hang around for desert.

All you can focus upon, all you can change is yourself. When I first sit down with a client to discuss an area where they would like a breakthrough we set up the life audit and take a detailed personal history in relation to the route map, or strategy to help them save a relationship.

It often amazes me how shining a light on a relationship problems really changes the landscape for the client. Sometimes the life audit by itself leads to significant "Aha" moments for the client, but this is just the beginning. 

We must begin with an important caveat. Whatever happens during the period of life coaching, there is no guarantee that we will save a relationship. But you will create breakthroughs that will dramatically change your outcome when your relationship ends.

It takes Teamwork To Save a relationship 

Team sports can be challenging after having a player sent from the field. On the other hand playing with one down can lead to even greater determination for the rest of the team. 

Playing as a team when one of the players focus is off the game can be even more devastating. Isn't this the same in all area's of your life? 

Your business, career, family life, social life, in fact every aspect of life can be devastatingly affected when your focus is off or someone else isn't pulling their weight. It's worse than playing with one down. 

It becomes frustrating for the team. Performance suffers. Attitudes change. Emotions change. Mistakes happen. 

Dealing with problems in a relationship or even a break up can do that to you.

Never to late to Save a relationship 

I woke up this morning and realized what I had done

I stood alone in the cold grey dawn

I knew I'd lost my morning sun

I lost my head and I said some things

Now come the heartaches that morning brings

I know I'm wrong and I couldn't see

I let my world slip away from me

Song lyric from "The Most Beautiful Girl" - Charlie Rich - 1974

Saving a relationship can be challenging. Relationships take investment in effort, time and determination to keep things above the resurface.

If it feels like you are sinking, take your time. Notice what is changing in you and what you must pay more attention to in order to resurface. 

If you hit bottom, remember to check your gauges every so often. You don't want to run out of air just before you are ready to break the surface. You also don't want to rush back to the top and end up with the bends and stuck in a hyperbaric chamber! 

This is where a life coach can make all the difference. A team without a coach is just a bunch of people hanging out. A coach pulls the team together. A coach recognises where the strengths are. Highlights skills to practice and helps the team build on performance after performance. A coach doesn't focus on the game. That is the players job.

The life coach focuses on the season to get the couple where they want to be. Just shifting your focus from relationship problems in the moment to creating the most beautiful love story ever told can be the key to save a relationship. In fact, this is the best way to transform a relationship breakdown or break up into a breakthrough.   

Taking a life audit with a coach can lead you to the point of noticing unconscious micro habits and behaviours that you developed a life time ago that no longer serve the purpose you created them for. That could be your doorway to a relationship breakthrough.

A team without a coach is ... ?

A room is a still a room

Even when there's nothin' there but gloom

But a room is not a house

And a house is not a home

When the two of us are far apart

And one of us has a broken heart

- Song lyric from A House Is Not A Home - Luther Vandross

Facing up to relationship problems

Do you feel apprehensive?

Maybe nervous or shy?

Do you feel like you have lost a reputation? 

Can you face it?

You have to stand by decisions that you make now. The decisions you make today will form the memories you recall tomorrow. Make sure they are memories that will lift you up and remind you of your courage strength, and determination, not your desperation. Make sure that your decisions are aligned with your true north, your personal values and you will stand strong. 

Is The whole town laughing?

Maybe if I had spent more time with you

Maybe then, maybe then you'd still be mine

Oh and only if I had been just a little more kind to you

There'd be no need, for this man to be cryin'

The whole town's laughing at me

Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good thing?

- song lyric from The Whole Towns Laughing - Teddy Pendergrass

A prayer to save a relationship

Do you want to be the person who gets to look back over the season and see the rewards of the investment time and effort you put in. 

“And though thy knees were never bent

 To heaven thy hourly prayers are sent

 And whether formed for good or ill

 Are registered and answered still.”

-Quote - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This means you have to be careful what you wish for, or you might just get it. It doesn't matter what thoughts you may be thinking. Thoughts of anger or revenge are just as easily manifested as thoughts of peace, love and harmony. It's up to you to choose your path. 

I pray that you and your partner find peace and harmony in your relationship. 

Just remember that your prayers will still be answered, however you create and rehearse them.

Now its up to you. Can you save your relationship?

What do you want to know next?

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Hope you found your visit to the Relationship Breakthrough Coach of value today. Did you find what you are looking for?

I am adding new content all the time but if you have any idea's or topics you would really love to see here, get in touch and let me know.

In the meantime here are more great pages dedicated to transforming your relationship breakdown or break up into a breakthrough. 

You might like these:

  • Values in a relationship

    Your core values in a relationship are not something you were born with. Gaining clarity on your values is a huge step in achieving your relationship goals.

  • Relationship Goals

    What are your most important relationship goals? Are you refocusing after a breakdown, healing after a break up or taking your relationship to the next level?

  • Red Flags in A Relationship

    Recognise and understand red flags in a relationship. Red flags don't need to be dealbreakers but will highlight important value differences in relationships.

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