Suffering a relationship break up can be a significant emotional event that will really mess with your emotions. Relationships may come and go and, lets face it, some break ups can be a total relief but sometimes the damage caused can be traumatic.
This page is for anyone who has lost their way because their relationship broke down. Grieving a lost relationship can be like losing a partner through illness, accident or even death as you will discover below. Before we dive any deeper, here's a quick overview of whats coming up on this page:
These surprisingly simple secrets to surviving a relationship break up are available right now, whatever the circumstances of your personal situation
What is the most obvious reason, the first thing that come to mind, that relationships break down?
You could say the relationship is all at sea:
When these fundamental 'C's are out of balance you could be in for rough sea's. You may even have to face the storm!
People often think about infidelity, finances, or lack of intimacy as the major causes of relationship crisis but realise that those are only symptoms of a deeper level problem. What I might call "a presenting problem."
Take the story of a partner being unfaithful. When you peel the layers back you see that somewhere along the way the relationship was in distress before that unfaithfulness occurred.
The break down was just a symptom of a bigger underlying problem that has remained hidden. Question: How can anyone who is fully committed, or even fully connected to their partner be unfaithful?
What steps would you take if you were fully committed to your partner? How would you communicate if your partner was fully contributing to meet your needs. What level connection do you have with your partner? How does that feel in terms of your compassion or companionship with her?
Human needs psychology suggests that at least two of the above list (connection and contribution) are fundamental to making us feel good about ourselves. If they are compromised or threatened in any way it can leave a negative emotion or feeling. (check out your Online Relationshp Academy for more about emotions and the six human needs)
The right time to break up your relationship is the moment when you become aware that you are no longer connecting, contributing or communicating with your partner. If you lose the emotional connection with her, or you are uncertain about your commitment you might stop contributing to the relationship. If you are not giving, and your partner isn't getting it won't be long before the storm comes. It takes two to get together but it only takes one to end the relationship.
Sometimes communication can resolve a million different thoughts and concerns. Talking to your partner or someone about how you feel about the relationship and why things are different can be a powerful, courageous step you take.
You have to decide if your relationship is worth fighting for. If you are prepared to make sacrifice. If you are prepared to compromise. If you do this and you are both committed you could come away even stronger. If you are not committed to breaking up you really must commit to each other fully.
I understand that surviving relationship abuse may be a different story. In that case, or even in a case of surviving a toxic relationship the emphasis is on surviving the relationship, not the break up.
When relationships fall apart it can be emotionally heart breaking. You can hear it in the songs. You can see it in movies. Pass the kleenex!
Elizabeth Kubler Ross presents a surprisingly simple explanation of how grief comes in stages but I will get into that in more detail later. What most people want to know is Why? Or How?
What do people going through a relationship break up generally ask themselves?
Stop "why-ning" for a minute and ask a better question. The whole meaning of the experience will change.
The story we tell ourselves is related to meaning. Meaning is related to feelings and emotion which in turn triggers our response. Before you read on, just stop a moment and ask yourself what was the primary meaning you attributed to why your last relationship broke up.
Now ask yourself what could you learn from that level about your values.
According to Elizabeth Kubler Ross there are five key stages to grieving loss. Although the five stages of grief are attributed to the loss of life of a loved one, the emotional impact can be just the same when face the loss of a once loving relationship.
Click on the link five key emotional stages of breaking up.
One of the most important tools you can have in your tool belt is a great sense of humour. An even better tool to have is a great sense of adventure. I mean epic! There have been some epic stories told about relationships in the movies but here your get to tell your own. You become the director. You become the author. It's awesome to share heroic stories funny stories and down right tear jerkers to inspire and motivate your fellow brothers.
Not all relationships are traumatic, but all breakthroughs are beyond therapeutic. See if you can earn a completely free breakthrough coaching session by sharing your story about how to break up without breaking down!
If you can master your emotions, you can certainly manage a relationship break up without breaking down. Enrol in the Emotions Masterclass for men ready for you in your Online Relationship Academy. But before you go there...
In times of great adversity come even greater advances. Think of the scientific advances in terms of understanding earthquakes, tsunami's or volcano's. Think of advances in technology that come out of warfare.
We all have our resources, skills, experience and abilities. In times of great adversity it is time to focus all your energies on healing or resolving the damage. And then, preventing it from occurring again.
When a burglar smashes through a door you get it replaced and put on a stronger lock. So what do you do when someone breaks your heart? You put up barriers. Barriers to love. Barriers to being in love. Barriers to trusting or committing to anyone. Barriers to connecting with anyone on a deeper level.
We all know that time can be a great healer. But why would you deny yourself the most powerful healing emotion of all, love?
Learning about yourself, your values, and needs is a great way to return to love. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. In the words of Marianne Williamson, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Imagine that this healing power of love isn't only in some of us, it is in everyone.
The quickest way to heal your relationship wounds will be through the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift of love you give to yourself.
The power of learning the meanings and the true lesson of your relationship break up is unleashed as gratitude. What can you be grateful for that this lesson has revealed to you? Can you deeply connect with the power of gratitude?
Think about your partner again and how you judged their ranking of the C's. What can you learn? Have you ever communicate your own values, or encouraged your partner to share theirs? This is powerful and illuminating exercise that I take couples through one of the couples relationship coaching sessions.
Things can get pretty messed up pretty quickly during the break up of a relationship. The emotional consequences of a relationship break up can have a dramatic impact upon your behaviours and thoughts in unexpected ways. This will show up in all area's of your life. Your health, your wealth and your relationships with everyone else around you.
Life coaching with the Relationship Breakthrough Coach will realign your thoughts, emotions and decisions with your highest values. I cant promise you that life coaching sessions will solve all your relationship problems, and keep you together, but it will help you keep it together even if the relationship falls apart!
Make an enquiry today with a completely free, no obligation coaching consultation
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