The explosive power of anger to destroy relationships, careers, families and even yourself should never be underestimated. Anger can be an energetic emotional response that has many layers.
It has its pitfalls, but it also has its benefits too.
Anger is the topic of a multitude of psychology research papers, self help books, and anger management workshops. Many psychiatrists or psychologists will have waiting lists just to deal with this troublesome and traumatic emotion.
When it is a problem, anger can have deadly consequences. But when you learn to understand and harness your anger you can transform your relationships, and transform your life.
As a professional life coach I can offer an alternative approach to resolving internal conflicts and recognising when core values are being violated. Life coaching isn't the only answer, but it might well be the only one you'll need.
Read on to find out more.
Did you ever see The Incredible Hulk ? In the 1970's this was Saturday evening entertainment. The main character, Dr David Banner, was a widowed scientist who's alter ego, The Hulk, was triggered through provocation and threat. Whenever he became angry, he transformed into the muscular green creature. The power of anger was his saviour, but it also created problems along the way.
Banner knew that if he or anyone close to him was in danger, he could trigger a transformation.
That was the protective power of anger. As a scientist he would have easily been overwhelmed by the threat. As the Hulk, he would easily overpower his assailants. As soon as he was able to find calm again he would transform back into Banner.
Banner was ashamed of the creature inside him and became a drifter, moving from town to town trying to find ways to cure his condition and tame the power of his anger. He was hounded by a news reporter and Banner's catchphrase was "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when Im angry"
When you look closely at the story, Banner never used the power for anything other than protecting himself or others from attack. He didn't become the Hulk because his food was late, or some kid was kicking a ball against a wall. In fact, he was generally a cool headed guy.
Anger is one way to communicate your values and tolerance. If someone or something is really pushing your tolerance to the limit and violating your personal values you will likely experience an emotional response. This is telling you that something isn't right and you need to take some remedial action. But how often do we let trivial things grow unchecked?
Thats fine but if the behaviours don't change and the emotional response becomes anger it can create deep rooted anchors that show up in unexpected ways.
Imagine that your partner is angry at something you did. They look right at you as their their emotional storm peaks. The next day the get a parking ticket. They look right at you while they tell you how rude and obnoxious the traffic warden was, reliving the moment. Guess who they see at the peak of their emotional storm? You.
A day later an overdue bill arrives in the post. Another emotional response. Every day, layer upon layer.
When the weekend comes around the sun comes out, metaphorically speaking. All is well in the world. But then they look right at you and everything changes.
They have become conditioned to see your face and feel angry. Your partner has anchored the emotion of anger to you, even though you had very little, or nothing to do with the cause!
I bet you will have heard stories of incredible feats of strength in critical, or life and death situations. Who doesn't want to feel superhuman at some level? A parent lifting a car, or a rock, or concrete to rescue a child, for example. In the moment you think all hope is lost this surge of energy comes and you rescue the situation.
Banner tapped into that superhuman strength through a scientific experiment that went wrong. He created the Hulk instead. Even though matter the Hulk was trying to save him, Banner just couldn't tame the sheer power of anger within him.
Anger can be like a gauge on a pressure cooker. There will be heat and thats OK but at some point the pot boils and the pressure cooker lets out its whistle. That is a metaphor for how some people deal with important changes. They wait until the pressure is too great for them not to change. Anger can remain subdued or hidden until the pressure is strong enough for it to be expressed.
The transformational power of anger therefore is available at any stage along that timeline if only you can communicate your values clearly and understand the values of your partner for instance. Follow this link for more about Core Values in A Relationship. If you are able to recognise anger as an expression of your values system being compromised you will be able to manage not only the cause, but also your reaction.
Imagine if learning about how anger relates to your personal values transforms the impact of this emotion for you. Imagine seeing anger as a lesson instead of a predator. Could you be able to express the power of gratitude instead?
When you remain calm and assertive, you re able to lead and take sensible tactical action, but the moment the red mist comes down things can get seriously out of hand. Have you ever heard the phrase when someone says "the red mist came down and I just lost it?"
The red mist descends the moment before you lose control. The final trigger before the brutal power of anger is unleashed. All inhibition goes. All rational thought, consideration and control is lost. All the anger held inside can find its way through the open vent to be fully expressed. You might experience a volcanic like eruption.
When the red mist descends you might not even notice the heat until its too late.
Imagine a a road rage incident when someone who is generally quite gets behind the wheel. There might be three or four minor incidents that annoyed the driver but then the final one is the one that tips them over the edge. The red mist can be an indication that events are taking over. They are in the danger zone and about to lose control.
The red mist coming down means you don't stop when they have had enough. It means you say things you will soon regret. You behave in a manner you will regret. Your energy from anger is no longer controlled and can become destructive.
Anger lets you know that something or someone has crossed the line. There may be pressure followed by the eruption of anger.
Uncontrolled anger can be a problem leading to mild to serious health issues. Anxiety, sleeplessness, and stress can follow your anger like shadows. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.
There are also benefits to the power of anger.
For instance, anger that is expressed and replicated across a group of like minded individuals can create a dynamic movement which leads to dramatic political shifts.
People may be angered because an oil company was abusing its powers and polluting the ocean. This group anger can be focused on a positive cause.
Anger can also move the individual to make changes that they might otherwise procrastinate on.
Anger can raise your energy levels which could be useful if you needed to protect yourself from physical attack. The trouble with anger is you might unleash a little too much. As in the "red mist" scenario mentioned above.
Releasing anger on purpose against a punch bag in the gym, or perhaps against a pillow on a bed is a great way of reducing stress and cortisol levels. It could also maximise the impact of a workout! Want to know more about the Power of Vitality?
Your mind is full of neural networks that are like pathways for your thoughts to follow. Anger allows you to access personal power but often at an unexpected cost. Anger can also be a modelled behaviour. You saw it, or experienced it from someone else first, before you experienced the power of anger for yourself.
Wherever, however, or when ever your first witnessed anger will hold secrets to understanding the power has had over you. Triggers were created long ago. Decisions were made about how to respond to provocation. Understanding that there are unconscious triggers is a huge step toward harnessing the power of anger.
Occasionally triggers are programmed in an instant for a positive purpose. Anger is just another emotion after all. Unconscious programming can be deactivated if you have the right tools, such as NLP (Life Coaching and Neuro Linguistic Programming).
Imagine those old neural pathways disappearing as you obliterate that old short cut that has been holding you back. Imagine laying down new neural pathways or programming as short cuts for the outcomes you actually want.
Nothing breeds success like success. The deeper you ingrain new pathways to success the easier it will be to take that path.
Admittedly, emotions such as anger can be complex and I would always recommend working one to one through processes such as this, but if that isn't available right now you may learn something about yourself by working through each of these steps.
The point of the process is not to stop anger in its tracks but to allow it to serve your highest intentions. Anger can serve you well if you are able to harness it early without letting it out of control. You can discover many profound personal learnings if you are prepared to look for them.
What makes you angry today that you wish didn't? This could be a topic for life coaching that could lead to your breakthrough.
You could also work on your core values to create a true sense of alignment with your highest intentions of who you are.
Ultimately a professional life coach could help you rewrite your blueprint for life the way you want it to be.
If that sounds good to you I recommend a free coaching consultation.
Emotional breakthrough's can be deeply therapeutic and private experiences therefore my life coaching relationships are confidential.
To Your Success
Relationship Breakthrough Coach provides life coaching for men, women and couples in Mossley, Tameside, Uppermill, Saddleworth, and all surrounding areas. I also work with english speaking international clients via Skype and Zoom.
Life coaching is a journey of self discovery. Your journey starts with your next step. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the next step. The power of life coaching will unlock your personal power to overcome obstacles that show up while you get to work on your dreams.
I sincerely hope you found what you were looking for.
I am adding new content all the time but if you have any idea's or topics you would like to see, get in touch and let me know.
Click on the image to visit the contact me page:
In the meantime here are more great pages dedicated to transforming your relationship breakdown or break up into a breakthrough: