The explosive power of anger to destroy relationships should never be underestimated. Anger is an energetic emotion that has many layers and complexity. Anger is behind a multitude of psychology research papers, self help books, and anger management workshops. When it is a problem, anger can have deadly consequences. But when you learn to understand and tame your anger you can utilise its power to transform your relationships, and transform your life.
Did you ever see The Incredible Hulk tv series in the 1970's? The main character, Dr Banner, was a widowed physician and scientist who's alter ego was triggered through provocation and threat. Whenever he got angry, he transformed into the huge green hulk. The power of anger got him out of all sorts of problems, but it also created more along the way.
Dr Banner was ashamed of the creature inside him and so became a drifter, moving from town to town trying to find ways to cure his condition and tame the power of his anger.
He was pursued by a news reporter trying to expose the link between Banner and the Hulk, and Banner would always say to the reporter, "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when Im angry"
Who doesn't want to feel superhuman at some level? You will have heard of stories of incredible feats of unexpected strength in critical, or life and death situations. A parent lifting a car, or a rock, or concrete to rescue a child, for example.
Dr Banner was trying to tap into that superhuman strength through a scientific experiment that went wrong and created the Hulk instead. It didn't matter if The Hulk was trying to save him, he just couldn't tame the power of anger.
Sometimes anger can be useful tool to communicate your values and tolerance. Thats fine to a point but if the behaviours don't change and anger becomes a habitual response it can create deep rooted anchors that show up in unexpected ways. Imagine for a second that your partner is angered at something you did. They look right at you as the unleash their emotional storm on you. The next day your partner receives a parking ticket. Incensed, they look right at you while they tell you how rude and obnoxious the traffic warden was.
The day after a forgotten bill arrives with red ink. Guess what. Your partner is royally cheesed off at you now. Then they go out for a drive and get a puncture. All week, every day, layer upon layer.
When the weekend comes around the sun comes out. All is well in the world. Until you look at your partner. For some reason you feel on edge and don't even know why. You have become conditioned to expect the wrath, but even worse, your partner has anchored the emotion of anger to looking at you, even though you had very little to do with the cause! Boom!
Anger uncontrolled can be a problem leading to mild to serious health issues. Anxiety, sleeplessness, and stress can follow your anger like shadows. But when you think about it, there are also benefits to unleashing the power anger.
Take this example: anger that is expressed and replicated across a group of like minded individuals can create a dynamic movement which can lead to dramatic political shifts. People who want to protect animals may be angered by Oil Companies abusing its powers and polluting the ocean. The group anger is focused on a positive causeAnger can also move the individual to make changes that they might otherwise procrastinate on.
Anger can also raise your energy levels which is useful if you needed to protect yourself from attack. The only trouble with anger is you might unleash a little too much of that Incredible Hulk energy on your assailant and fall foul of the law!
Releasing anger in the gym or against a punch bag is a great way of maximising the impact of a workout whilst at the same time dramatically reducing stress and cortisol levels.
Have you ever heard the phrase when someone says "the red mist came down and I just lost it?"
The red mist descends the moment before you lose control. The final trigger before the power of anger is unleashed. All inhibition goes. All rational thought, consideration and control is lost. All the anger held inside can find its way through the open vent to be fully expressed. You might experience a volcanic eruption.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned. When the red mist descends you might even notice the heat until its too late.
Police officers refer to the red mist when things get out of hand. Imagine a police pursuit where the officer just lost it. The red mist can be an indication that things are taking over. You are about to lose control. How would the officer drive? What would they do to catch the criminal? What laws would they break and how could that land them in jeopardy.
When you remain calm and assertive, you re able to lead and take sensible tactical action, but the moment the red mist comes down things can get seriously out of hand. The police driver is trained to recognise when things could get out of hand and always has the option of calling the pursuit off. When the red mist descends, there is no way the officer would call the pursuit off regardless how dangerous the situation becomes.
In a police setting, or other professional scenario this can be devastating for anyone within range. The red mist coming down means you don't stop when they had enough. It means you say things you will regret. You behave in a manner you will regret. Your energy from anger is no longer controlled and can become destructive. For a police officer it could see the end of a career or even a prison term. What would this mean for you?
Your mind is full of neural networks that are like pathways for your thoughts to follow. Anger allows you to access personal power but often at an unexpected cost. Anger is often a modelled behaviour. You saw it, or experienced it outside of you first, before you experienced the power of anger for yourself.
Wherever, however, or when ever your first witnessed anger will hold secrets to understanding the power has had over you. Triggers were created long ago. Understanding that there are unconscious triggers is a huge step toward taming your anger.
Occasionally anger triggers are programmed in the moment for a positive purpose. Anger is just an emotion after all. Unconscious programming can be deactivated if you have the right tools for the job. Imagine those old neural pathways disappearing as you obliterate that old short cut and lay down new pathways or programming to the outcomes you want.
You will also work on your core values to greater a true sense of alignment with your highest self. Ultimately we will rewrite your blueprint for life the way you want it to be. You will learn to recognise when your values are are being undermined which means you can take evasive action before becoming overwhelmed by the power of anger.
If that sounds like a fit for you I recommend working through the personal breakthrough process to begin with. Your transformation session will be amazing. I absolutely love this process, and clients do too. Then you can look forward to a brighter future with more exciting personal goals to build on that momentum.
Nothing breeds success like success. The deeper you ingrain your new pathways to success the easier it will be to take that pathway. You can work through a series of results focused sessions, or you can apply the breakthrough process to any other challenge you may be facing. It's entirely up to you.
All my coaching relationships are confidential. Emotional breakthrough's can be deeply therapeutic and private experiences.
If you were about to achieve a breakthrough and the only thing holding you back was shame you might hold back if you thought your coach would later reveal their conversation with you. Shame is deeply private challenge to overcome, but once revealed for what it really is can also be a powerful catalyst for positive change.
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To your success!
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