Making A Relationship Work

The Secret To Being In A Loving Relationship 

Do you want to know the secret to making a relationship work? You are in the right place.

This page is packed full of powerful life coaching strategies. You can use the questions and become your own life coach. 

Learn strategies for overcoming the obstacles and maintaining a loving relationship.

Learn how to navigate values differences in a relationship.

Learn the power of love languages to develop and deepen your connection with your loved one.

The unfortunate truth is that most people aren’t even aware what their core values in a relationship are. More importantly, people are not aware how values differences keep them stuck in cycles that will end in separation and divorce. 

Please note that the Relationship Breakthrough Coach does not give relationship advice or relationship therapy. I simply offer you the power of moments to think for yourself and consider the desired outcomes that are most inspiring or desirable for you. Here's to you making your relationship work!

Making A Relationship Work

Were you failing to plan or planning to fail in relationships?

Let’s put it this way. When you were writing your inspiring relationship goals I suspect you didn't visualise the break down or break up of your relationship. You didn't plan to have to endure an unhappy marriage. You didn’t consciously decide to hit an emotional breakdown with your partner at this point in time. 

So what did you plan for?

Making a relationship work is much the same as making a business work, or making a career work, or making a goal a reality. It takes conscious planning and effort. You need to calibrate as you go and you need to understand and meet the needs of everyone involved. Yourself included.

You must be inspired to put the desired effort in a relationship to make it work. If you aren't inspired you will lose your focus and the effort will go elsewhere. When you don't put any effort in a relationship there may be a good reason. If you can identify and overcome the obstacles or relationship problems as they show up you are likely already used to being in a loving relationship. 

On the other hand if you turn your head at the first sign of trouble your significant other will soon be questioning how significant they really are.

What Is A Healthy Relationship?

What is a healthy relationship? What does that question even mean to you? Is a healthy relationship something you aspire to or something that just develops with time and maturity?

As a life coach I want people to feel inspired to take significant action to achieve their relationship goals and I am not massively moved by the word "healthy."  It just doesn't shine. It doesn't demand attention. It just kind of is. 

Don't get me wrong, being in a healthy relationship is still desirable. 

Being in a loving, committed, passionate relationship sounds far more exciting and desirable wouldn't you agree?

It's all about meaning. Think about the saying "One man's meat is another man's poison."

This also applies to communication in a relationship. Communication can be in many ways and just verbal. Of course there is non-verbal communication but did you know that touch, and behaviour are forms of communication?

Five Love Languages

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

In "The Five Love Languages" Gary Chapman reveals that we each have our own preferred ways of expressing our love for another. We also have our own specific preference for receiving love. The two are not necessarily the same.

Often times what happens in the beginning of a relationship is you tend to throw the book at it! Literally. But most people fail to notice the power of love languages. So when things settle and the initial drive cools off you get the strategy mixed up and wonder why you aren't getting the same results.

For example, if your partners key love language is spending quality time together and you are trying to woo them with gifts you might end up out of pocket and out of favour real soon!

On the other hand if your preference is physical touch but theirs is receiving gifts you know how to get a huge hug right?   

In any relationship, it is the meaning that we attach that creates our love language preferences. Meaning is found through our values and beliefs, but more importantly in the quality of questions we are willing to ask ourselves. Love languages are just clues to what really lies beneath.

Seek and you will find. If you ask a better question, you will get a better relationship.

Be Your Own Life Coach For Making A Relationship Work

It's time to get your pad and pen or your favourite device and make some notes of your own about making a relationship work. 

Write down everything that is important for you to be happy in a relationship. What do you need to be happy in a relationship?

Take just five or ten minutes, no longer. Write down everything that comes to mind. Every aspect. Every thought. Don't judge or filter. At least not at this stage. 

Please don't read any further until you complete the task.

I'll still be here when you get back!

Only once you have completed this first step of the task should you consider the next step. 

I would like you to define in your own words exactly what a healthy relationship looks, sounds or feels like to you. Be specific. Use the power of positivity with your words. If you find yourself writing something like "A healthy relationship shouldn't have cheating" change the sentence to what the relationship would have if it didn't have cheating. What would the positive statement be?

Again take five or ten minutes and come up with your own unique definition of a healthy relationship.

By this time, if you have completed the exercise, you should have identified your green flags. 

Green Flags In A Relationship

What are your green flags in a relationship? They ought to match fairly closely with your expectations in a relationship. They are what make you tick. They are the key ingredients to making a relationship work. 

The green flags are what make difficult times worthwhile. Green flags in a relationship will cause you to smile when you recall and think of the moments. 

If you are already familiar with "The Power of Gratitude," your green flags will be a great source of peace. Bring them into your gratitude practice. Anything you are grateful for having now, you may perhaps mourn the loss of should you lose it later.

I couldn't know exactly what making a relationship work looks like for you but I would imagine that the following might appear on your list of green flags in a relationship at some level. Perhaps with varying levels of priority for different people:

Honesty in a relationship

Commitment in a relationship

Trust in a relationship

Affection in a relationship

Compassion in a relationship

Passion in a relationship

Intimacy in a relationship

Compromise in a relationship

Reliability in a relationship

Variety in a relationship

Growth in a relationship

Connection in a relationship

Think back to your list. Review it against the suggestions above and any other factors that may have come to mind. 

Why is it important to capture these idea's now? Because if you don't know the key ingredients for making a relationship work, how will you know if it happens?  

Core Values In A Relationship

In essence the green flags you identify in your relationship form the basis of your core values which are the critical feature of making a relationship work.

Your core values in a relationship are not something you were born with. Gaining clarity on your values is a huge step toward achieving your relationship goals. Follow the link to read more.

Maintaining A Loving Relationship

Once you actually realised that you already possess everything you need for making a relationship work you might start to refine and shine your relationship goals. 

Being in a loving, passionate and committed relationship is one thing but maintaining a loving relationship might be something else altogether. 

You already know relationships take contribution, commitment, and growth. When you marry, you commit to the good times and the bad. which presupposes there will be bad times. You wouldn't make a vow to only love your partner when the sun shines. Which means there is going to be some maintenance required, otherwise you might find yourself paying maintenance for the rest of your life.

What does maintenance look like? 

Maintaining a loving relationship looks a lot like digging deep. These are the times when you feel most challenged most stretched and possibly most afraid. How you overcome the obstacles is what keeps you strong or severs your will to fight on. 

What questions about you relationship have you been unwilling to ask yourself in order to reach this point?

You are more likely to respond to painful, or fear based emotions than pleasure. Recognise the power of moments to transform your destiny. The moments when the pain outweigh's the pleasure are moments you must prepare for. 

Anticipation is also a key to making a relationship work. See the challenge before it even occurs and remember your relationship goals. Always know your desired outcome. 

You think you will never argue in a relationship? You think you will always be fit and healthy? You think you will always be employed and able to support or provide for your loved ones? 

These are the times to prepare for. In sickness and in health, for better for worse, for richer for poorer. 

At these challenging moments, people forget those vows.  They think, 

"Why is this happening to us?" or "What did I do that was so wrong?" or "How could they do this to us?" 

Mistakes are portals of opportunity!

They are looking outside themselves for answers, possibly even blaming the other half of the relationship.

What you need to embrace in these dark moments is the power of forgiveness. Making a relationship work might even take a truck load of forgiveness. If the relationship is truly worth it, you will forgive. Just remember one critical thing. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  

Loving Yourself In A Relationship

Loving yourself in a relationship is a major factor in making a relationship work. Even though to some people the idea or concept of loving yourself may sound selfish, it can become one of the greatest gifts you share with your loved one. 

I was working with a coach on a life coaching training course and this concept came up in our discussion. I realised that I had let my guard down time after time. I thought I was doing the right thing for a relationship, but was metaphorically taking cyanide pills. I never once stopped and thought what was right for me. We drank too much. We ate too much. We had too much of a "good time." 

This was not loving each other. This was destroying each other. Can you see the difference?

When you love yourself in a relationship you will balance. You can still party but you will also take care of each other.

When you are in a loving relationship, you could simply ask yourself "If you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?"

Loving yourself means taking time to work on your own personal development. It means taking care of your health, and your emotional state. It means being true to yourself. Loving yourself means understanding your core values in a relationship. It means realising that you have relationship and personal goals to achieve. Moreover, loving yourself means you can completely commit to loving your partner without exception because you believe in yourself. 

A bird sitting on a small twig on the branch of a tree is not afraid if the twig breaks. The bird is always aware of its ability to use its own wings. 

Relationships Never Fail

Relationships never fail. People fail. People give up on making a relationship work. The real failing is in failing to learn and grow. 

Asking life coaching questions can help you see more clearly that which is most important to you. Do you see more green flags, or red flags in your relationship

How would you utilise the new insights and learnings you gained from this ?

Here's to you're making a relationship work! 

Follow The Relationship Breakthrough Coach: 

Where Will Your Next Steps Take You?

Relationship Breakthrough Coach provides life coaching in Mossley, Tameside, Uppermill, Saddleworth, and all surrounding areas. Sessions are available for men, women and couples who are ready to transform their health wealth and relationships.

Life coaching is a journey of self discovery. Your journey starts with your next step. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the next step. The power of life coaching will unlock your personal power to overcome obstacles that show up while you get to work on your dreams.

I sincerely hope you found what you were looking for. In the meantime see below for suggested pages to read next:

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