Coping with Relationship Break Up is like mourning. These are significant emotional events. Sometimes a relationship break up can be traumatic and yet in others a total relief.
This page will focus upon the healing from and coping with those traumatic emotional events.
It doesn't matter if your break up is from a long term relationship or marriage. Things can get pretty messed up pretty quickly which will impact upon your behaviours and thoughts in unexpected ways.
Sometimes the emotions and the economics get mixed up and this leads to stress, anxiety, depression or worse still, it may lead to suicide.
This doesn't serve your long term recovery and happiness which is why life coaching with the Relationship Breakthrough Coach will help you realign your thoughts, emotions and decisions with your highest values.
But what if you can't commit to getting that one to one support?
Coping with relationship break up is not about one huge thing but many little things that fill the emotional bucket. You need to drain the bucket every now and then otherwise it will overflow.
You are coping with identity shift from "in a relationship" to "single." From having a home to having a room or a settee. From having a family to juggling commitments just to spend precious time with your kids. From having faith and hope to facing uncertainty and change.
This section is all about relationship break up and more importantly how to turn your relationship break up into a personal breakthrough.
Many people see relationship breakdowns and divorce as symbol of failure, and yet it is often the catalyst for massive personal growth. If you can manage your emotions, you can certainly manage the reality of separation and divorce.
If you're coming to the end of a relationship it doesn't matter if you are married, living together, or just "in a relationship". It can be painful. The threat of separation and divorce are enough to send anybody's focus and emotions into spasm! You are already coping with a relationship break up even if it hasn't broken up yet.
It is not unusual for emotions to become a little manic during this time. The trouble is that the threat of any looming separation or divorce can trigger your emotional "unconscious" defence strategies. Fight or flight. Sink or swim. Thrive or nose dive.
After all who wants to be heartbroken? Who wants to be lonely? Who wants to let them get away with betrayal, rejection, infidelity? The stimulus drives your reaction.
Your thoughts elicit your emotions which triggers the action or behaviours you create next. If you stay in reaction you will begin to spiral as the mindful storm whirls around you.
But, if you step back, consciously and become the student of your unconscious thoughts and patterns you can learn how to overcome them. You can create a break up between the stimulus and your response.
Which is more important?
The response, or
Did you know that you can elicit resourceful and powerful emotions that are aligned with the desired outcome? Through hypnosis, NLP and life coaching I can teach you how. Negative emotions can dissolve like water on a hot sunny day and you can replace them with any resourceful state you desire. There are many powerful ways of not only coping with relationship break up, but transforming it into a personal breakthrough.
If you only remember one thing, remember that there is no failure only learning. Next time you feel yourself being triggered into an unwanted reaction, ask your unconscious what your desired response should be and what you can learn from this.
There are hundreds of scenarios that impact on your coping with relationship break up. These scenario's are what manifested at the surface level. Fighting, arguing, name calling, mistrust, break down in communication and so on.
What lies beneath all these emotions is fear. Not fear about the relationship but fear of being enough, of being of value.
If you are only coping with relationship break up problems at the surface, there will always be an undercurrent of anxiety and stress. For example you could justify your anger at being betrayed. But that wouldn't heal the pain of the betrayal.
If you deal with your internal fears and incongruence the outer world will change shape automatically. Water will always finds its own level.
Once you understand the root causes of the fear you may find it impossible to even see those old problems in the same light.
The other thing which creates anxiety and stress is tackling the problem. The desired outcome cannot be stressful therefore it has to be how you are thinking about the problem. How are you thinking about the problem?
There are just two things you can do to reduce anxiety and stress:
Tackle the problem - Or -
Change the way you are thinking about the problem
If you tackle the problem there and then the stress will change too. But if it isn't possible to tackle it for any particular reason, you have to change the way you thin about it.
A personal breakthrough can move you through all that junk into love and compassion. It takes all of your internal resources to take you from a place of chaotic confusion to a state of freedom.
It doesn't necessarily mean we can keep you together, but it does mean we help you keep it together! Although, if you are not fully committed to breaking up maybe you should commit to each other fully.
Wouldn’t it be a better strategy for coping with relationship break up to come from a state of freedom? As in, freedom to choose your own emotional response to your relationship break up, rather than the unconscious emotional fear response?
As Stephen Covey put it in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People "Response-Ability" is the ability to increase the gap between stimulus and response. That way you can consciously process the meaning of the stimulus and choose your response in a much more grounded, rational, and effective way.
Freedom simply means moving forward congruently, in harmony with your own highest values, and doing what is right. If you can do this, you will be able to preserve more than just your pride and dignity. You will be able to step forward with confidence. You won't be coping with relationship break up, you will be thriving from it.
Work through your personal values and notice where you have been incongruent. When you know and understand your highest values and set goals and actions in alignment with meeting those values your confidence will soar.
If you stay in reaction mode you will be filled with remorse, guilt or shame. Haven't you had enough to deal with? Isn't it time to give yourself the break you deserve?
In our personal breakthrough life coaching I will take you beyond the principle of stimulus and response. You will learn the power of being at cause or at effect. This is where you will uncover limits beliefs that are not aligned with your success. Beliefs that will keep you locked in a state of coping with your relationship break up.
"I could have been successful in my business if she hadn't had an affair."
"I could have been a great dad to my kids if she hadn't interfered."
Being "at cause" means taking full responsibility for not only your response, but also for your inner thoughts and beliefs. It means taking full responsibility for achieving desired outcomes and not being at the mercy of effect.
Unlock those limiting beliefs and you will see your confidence and motivation return. You will become inspired to live a better life. The life you deserve.
While you are coping with relationship break up thoughts of moving on may be premature. You may even reconsider preserving your relationship.
How can you manifest the love of your life when you are filled with self doubt, guilt or shame?
These thoughts might sound like a stretch for you right now but if we can shift your perceptions, even slightly, you can make a more conscious decision about the next step to take. It's your relationship breakthrough and personal growth at stake, so don't make decisions lightly.
In the Field of Dreams movie the constant voice was saying "build it and they will come."
Rebuild your self esteem and the right person will show up.
Keep in a state of depression and remorse and the right person will show up.
You always get what you deserve. Imagine if you change your beliefs and recognise your true value is way beyond your current thought patterns.
You can walk into a room bent with pain, or you can put on your cloak, take your gemstone encrusted walking cane and walk in like the land owner. You will create attention either way.
One of the best ways to recognise when the right person shows up is to write it all down in advance. Every last detail.
I invite you to do that now.
Making a relationship last requires constant and never ending effort. You always want your relationship to be in a state of growth, because if it isn't growing, its dying.
Sometimes, people might think that the reward of all that work is not worth the effort and that is when relationships break up. If that is a relationship you think you are in, you have to ask yourself if you are really coping with it. Is it really love or is it a sign of looming relationship break up?
What did it take to make the relationship work?
What did you want your relationship to become?
What have you forgotten about your relationship?
If you truly want it, you can rewrite the story of your life and turn it into the greatest love story ever told.
If reading this page has shifted your perception of coping with relationship break up imagine what life coaching sessions could achieve. What would a personal breakthrough mean to you?
Embarking upon a life coaching journey with the Relationship Breakthrough Coach is a journey of self discovery.
The power of life coaching is not about power over you but about harnessing the personal power within you to overcome the hurdles that show up while you get to work on your dreams.
Every journey starts with the next step. Register your interest in a free coaching consultation now.
You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.
Hope you found your visit to the Relationship Breakthrough Coach of value today. Did you find what you are looking for?
I am adding new content all the time but if you have any idea's or topics you would really love to see here, get in touch and let me know.
In the meantime here are more great pages dedicated to transforming your relationship breakdown or break up into a breakthrough.