People are discovering that coping with relationship break up can be as painful as an mourning the loss of loved one. It can be a significant emotional event for some. Yet for others, a break up is merely a stepping stone to celebrate and move on.
When a relationship ends it can get messy. The devastation that follows can impact upon your behaviours, your focus and your results in unexpected ways. What is worse is that some people will experience several in their lifetime. Yet they will always come back for more.
It doesn't matter if your break up is from a long term relationship (or marriage) or from a relationship in its early days, this is not the door to happiness and abundance. Life coaching with the Relationship Breakthrough Coach will help you open that door to realign your thoughts, emotions and decisions with your highest values. But before you consider whether you are ready to commit to to working with a life coach let me share six free Life Coaching tips for coping with relationship break-up:
I am really excited to share these six life coaching tips for coping with relationship break up with you.
You may be thinking right now is not the perfect time to be employing some of these incredible tools or you may be eager to get started right away. Either way I am glad you are here.
The hurt and confusion that can follow a relationship break up is many sided. There are many little things that compound to fill the emotional bucket. You need to drain the bucket every now and then otherwise it will overflow.
It is my job as your next life coach to not only empty that bucket but show you the simple life hacks that prevent it overflowing ever again. Every gardener knows when you plant a tree in a bucket you drill drainage holes in the bottom so your prize Camellia doesn't become waterlogged. The Relationship Breakthrough Coach goes beyond coping with relationship break up because my goal is to lead you to a personal breakthrough.
You are coping with identity shift from "in a relationship" to "single." From having a home to having a room or a settee. From having a family to juggling commitments just to spend precious time with your kids. From having faith and hope to facing uncertainty and change. That is just the tip of the iceberg. No wonder it can lead to emotional carnage.
Many people think that any relationship break up or divorce is some kind of failure. It is often the catalyst for massive personal growth. If you can master your emotions, you can certainly manage the reality of separation and divorce.
If you're coming to the end of a relationship it doesn't matter if you are married, living together, or just "in a relationship". It can be painful. The threat of separation and divorce are enough to send anybody's focus and emotions into a tailspin! You are already coping with a relationship break up even if the relationship hasn't broken up yet. Remember the power of your thoughts. What you focus on is what you manifest. Where attention goes, energy shows and results show right?
It is not unusual for emotions to storm during this time. The trouble is you saw the clouds looming and it triggered your emotional "unconscious" self defence strategies. Fight or flight. Sink or swim. Thrive or nose dive. After all who wants to be heartbroken? Who wants to be lonely? Who wants to let them get away with betrayal, rejection, infidelity?
The stimulus drives your reaction. Your thoughts elicit your emotions which triggers the action or behaviours you create next. If you stay in reaction you will spiral as the storm whirls around you.
But, if you step back, consciously and become the student of your unconscious thoughts and patterns you can learn how to lead the mindful storm. You can create a break up between the stimulus and your response.
Which is more important?
The response, or
Did you know that you can elicit powerful emotional resources that are perfectly aligned with your desired outcome? Through hypnosis, NLP and life coaching you can learn how.
And it isn't only positive thinking habits that you need. Negative emotions can dissolve like water on a hot sunny day but you can also use them as motivators to get into action. You can use any emotion to get into any resourceful state you desire. There are many powerful ways of not only coping with relationship break up, but transforming the storm into a personal breakthrough. Thats why I like to call it "The Mindful Storm."
If you only remember one thing, remember that there is no failure, only learning. Next time you feel yourself being triggered into an unwanted reaction, ask your unconscious what your desired response should be and what you can learn from this.
I am going to make a bold statement.
Your are afraid of not coping with relationship break up.
You are not afraid of not being in a relationship. You are afraid of what not coping with a relationship break up means to you.
But wait a minute. There are hundreds of potential meanings that impact on how you are coping with relationship break up. These potential meanings came from all the events that preceded the break up. Fighting, arguing, name calling, mistrust, break down in communication and so on.
What lies beneath all these emotions is fear. Fear of not being enough, of not being of value. Fear of being worthless and ultimately, fear of not being loved. That's what triggers anxiety or stress.
If you are only coping with relationship break up problems at the surface, you may suffer an undercurrent of anxiety and stress. Think about it this way. You could justify your anger at being betrayed which in some way heals the anger. But that wouldn't heal the pain of the betrayal. So the fear of betrayal shows up again and again. You will carry that baggage straight into your next car crash of a rebound relationship. Haven't you?
Once you understand the root causes of fear are merely self inflicted illusions you may find it impossible to even see those old problems in the same light. It doesn't mean you wont experience painful situations but you just wont look at them the same way. They wont impact you the same way they used to.
The other thing which creates anxiety and stress is tackling the problem. Is there a problem? How are you thinking about the problem? There are two simple choices you can make to cope with anxiety and stress of a relationship break up:
Tackle the problem
- Or -
Change the way you think about the problem
If you have the ability to tackle the problem head on there and then the stress will be manageable anyway. But if it isn't possible to tackle it for any particular reason, you have to change the way you think about it.
If none of that works try the tough love approach:
Introducing the SWWCGOI solution for coping with a relationship break up:
Get Over It!
You are probably going to rinse and repeat anyway!
You might as well cut to the chase. Move along!
A personal breakthrough can move you through all that emotional junk into love and compassion. It may take all of your internal resources to take you from a place of chaotic emotional confusion to a state of freedom t o focus on what is right for you.
And I dont mean brush this garbage under the rug. What I mean is doing a deep clean out. You need to pull out the cobwebs that are harbouring rejection, anxiety, fear, betrayal, anger and so on. Smile and wave wont cut it for you. Because the next wave might just knock the smile to the other side of your face.
You need to be really clear about what you want. Secondly you need to be absolutely clear about what you are willing to do yo get it. First of all let me just say that I really appreciate that you read this far already. You are taking the extra steps that most people falter on. You have already shown to yourself that there is something here for you.
Hold on! There is more to come.
Choosing your focus is one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. As Stephen Covey puts it"Response-Ability" is the ability to increase the gap between stimulus and response. The gap is precious. But if your focus is off you wont know which way to turn. If you don't know what your outcome is, how could you ever know what is a win-win response?
One of the foundational pillars of NLP and life coaching is to know your outcome. That way you can consciously process the meaning of the stimulus and choose your response in a much more grounded, rational, and effective way.
It doesn't necessarily mean being focused will keep you together, but it does mean you will be able keep it together if the relationship ends! That said, if you are not fully committed to breaking up you should commit to each other fully. How often do we come to realise the importance of focus after the horse has bolted? You have heard the phrase "You don't know what got 'til it's gone" (Cinderalla, great '80's rock ballad!)
Having a more empowering focus will fast track how your cope with your relationship break up. You will come from a state of freedom. As in, freedom to choose your own emotional response to your relationship break up, rather than the unconscious woe is me response. You become the wounded healer.
Freedom simply means moving forward congruently, in harmony with your own highest values, and doing what is right with integrity intact. If you can do this, you will be able to preserve more than just your pride and dignity. You will be able to step forward with confidence. You won't be coping with relationship break up, you will be thriving from it.
When people work through their values you notice where there have been incongruences or conflicting values. When you recognise that your highest values are in conflict with each other your self confidence is torn to shreds. You second guess everything. You cant be spontaneous. Your sense of adventure is on the subs bench. You watch from the sidelines and think you enjoy watching others succeed while you just cope.
The beauty of awareness of an internal conflict is that you can turn it around. Those parts can be integrated. Your values can be examined deeply and reset so that your goals and actions are in alignment with meeting those values. Your confidence soars. You are selected for the first team in the game of your life.
So what are you going to do? Will you wear your shirt with pride or throw it in the trash just because you didn't hit the home run this time round?
If you stay in reaction mode when a relationship breaks up you will be filled with remorse, guilt or shame. Haven't you had enough to deal with? Isn't it time to give yourself the break you deserve? But you lost self confidence.
The power of life coaching is in taking you beyond the principle of stimulus and response. You will learn the power of cause and effect. This is where you will uncover limiting beliefs that destroy your self confidence. success. Beliefs will keep you locked in a spiral state of just coping with your relationship break up. Or beliefs will set you free.
For example someone who is at effect might think:
"I could have been successful in my business if she hadn't had an affair."
"I could have been a great dad to my kids if she hadn't interfered."
Being "at cause" means taking full responsibility for not only your response, but also for your inner thoughts and beliefs. It means taking full responsibility for achieving desired outcomes and not being at the mercy of effect. Unlock those limiting beliefs and you will see your confidence return by the truck load. You will become inspired to live a better life. The life you deserve.
A person at cause might think
"This set back will become the platform that transforms my success.
I am going to learn from this. I am grateful for this opportunity.
I am going to grow from this. I forgive them and I forgive myself.
They are going to be so sorry they let me go"
Or something along these lines. Now who singing the Cinderella song? You don't know what you got, till its gone.
While you are in the midst of coping with relationship break up thoughts of moving on may occur. You may even try attracting your ex back into your life. But is that the best move for you? What have you learned? Will you grow or just go on making the same mistakes?
How can you manifest the love of your life when you are filled with grief, self doubt, guilt or shame from the partner you just lost?
These thoughts might sound like a stretch for you right now but if you shift your perceptions, even slightly, you can make a conscious decision about your next move. It's your relationship breakthrough and personal growth at stake, so don't make decisions lightly. In the "Field of Dreams" movie the constant voice was saying to Kevin Costner's character "build it and they will come." What I am suggesting to you now is rebuild your self confidence and the person you deserve will show up for you. Stay in a state of depression and remorse and the person you deserve will show up.
Attraction is about alignment of energies, frequencies and vibration. You always get what you deserve. Imagine if you change your beliefs about yourself and recognise your true value is way beyond your current thinking. What image will you project of yourself to the universe?
You can walk into a room bent with pain, or you can put on your cloak, take your gemstone encrusted walking cane and walk in like the Lord of the Manor. You will create attraction either way. But how do you know you are attracting the right person?
One of the best ways to recognise when the right person shows up is to write it all down in advance. Every last detail. It is so simple most people will ignore this incredible gift. Use this life coaching tip for yourself now with my compliments:
You can extend this list as long as you desire. In fact the more comprehensive your wish list the more chance you have of meeting that person. I know this might sound counter intuitive at first but it works. Do it. Prove me wrong. Clarity is the key. The more specific you are, the better.
Making a relationship last requires constant and never ending effort. You always want your relationship to be in a state of growth, because if it isn't growing, its dying. When people might think the reward is not worth the effort the relationship breaks up. If that is a relationship you think you are in, you have to ask yourself if you are really committed or are you just playing around. Is this love or are you dreaming? Ask yourself what is the story you are telling yourself about the situation.
If you truly want it, you can rewrite the story of your life and turn it into the greatest love story ever told. all stories have a hero and an anti hero. The hero gets the girl, or the guy. The anti hero represents everything that can get in the way or go wrong. The anti hero will stop you in your tracks. Thats your ego.
Your ego doesn't want you to take the swashbuckling adventure. Your ego doesn't want you to take risks that might hurt you. Your ego is what will have you telling the same story about why your relationship ended over and over again. Like a broken record. Listen I don't mean to be rude or unsympathetic but stop with the story. Nobody care's. They heard it already.
It is time to tell a new story. The story of your life. The greatest love story ever told. If you completed the task above you have the characters you just need the plot. Don't worry about the ending. Just make the story captivating. Make it cinematic. Widescreen. Make the picture POP like HD!
When you are in creation mode go absolutely nuts, like a kid at Christmas. It is your story after all. No one is ever going to read it. Or are they? Once you put your vision for your life on the widescreen of your mind the universe will conspire to bring it to you. I know because it happened to me. And it happened to clients. And it will happen to you. So please, start telling a better story today. Your outstanding life depends upon it.
There is plenty more to discover from the Relationship Breakthrough Coach. Here are suggestions to help with coping with relationship break up:
Learn about the emotional impact of a relationship break up upon you and your partner. Based on the renowned work of Dr Kubler Ross, we show you how the five stages of grief can manifest and how relationship breakthrough coaching can pull you forward.
Discover how the power of vitality can transform not only your relationships, but your life! Sounds simple, yet few people prioritise their own health.
A lighthearted look at coping with relationship break up. When someone says you'll get over it sooner or later, why not make it sooner? Share your story for others to see how you were dumped or how you did the dumping.
I hope you enjoyed these Free Life Coaching Tips For Coping With Relationship Break Up.
If this has inspired you to take action or helped you in some other way, just imagine what working with a professional life coach could mean for you.
What would be the value of your achieving a personal breakthrough to you?
Would you like to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to find out?
to your success!
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Relationship Breakthrough Coach provides life coaching in Mossley, Tameside, Uppermill, Saddleworth, and all surrounding areas. Sessions are available for men, women and couples who are ready to transform their health wealth and relationships.
Life coaching is a journey of self discovery. Your journey starts with the next step. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the next step.
The power of life coaching will unlock your personal power to overcome obstacles that show up while you get to work on your dreams.
I sincerely hope you find what you were looking for.