The Emotional Stages of Breaking Up

Breaking up with compassion is easier said than done.

Have you experienced the pain, the uncertainty, the sense of loss after a relationship break up? Have you been heartbroken over an intimate partner?

Or have you experienced relief or joy that it was all over?

A Time For Transformation

Our relationship coaching services are designed to help you tap into your own personal power, your inner strength, and turn a breakdown or even break up into a breakthrough. 

If you are happy its over, you don't want to make the same mistake again. If your heart is broken, you don't want to make the same mistake again. You don't want to repeat the same patterns, same habits, same feelings over and over again, do you?

What would a breakthrough mean for you?

Breaking Up a Relationship Takes Courage

Couples who enjoy a healthy relationship together for 25 years and more do so through courage, patience, tolerance, compassion and communication. Not because it was easy. Couples stay together despite the challenges because it is right for them.

One of the biggest reasons relationships end with a broken heart is fear of not being enough, fear of not being loved, and of course fear is simply the absence of love.

Sometimes, you need more courage to patch things up, than you need to break it off.

You can make a decision to split up in an instant, but you might regret it for a significant time afterward. How about the rest of your life?

So, isnt it better to fully consider the situation before breaking up?

Nothing Compares To a Broken Heart

Our greatest challenges in life often provide the biggest opportunities for growth. None more so than breaking up a once loving relationship. It signifies an end, a loss and can often lead to grieving. But it can also signify a new beginning. A rebirth.

Think about it. You can have all kinds of challenges with your health, career, sports but they don't compare to the heart break, the pain of a relationship break up do they? 

Our aim is to help you through your break up so that you make effective decisions that will support your goals and desires. We encourage you to break up with compassion for your partner and for yourself. Use our contact us form for more personal relationship break up support.

Healing After Relationship Break Up

If you cannot even perceive how you can heal your relationship then breaking up may be the only way forward for you. The last resort when you have tried everything. 

If you are sure this is the right path for you then we would like to share with you the five key emotional stages you may go through. Dealing with relationship break up is easier when you have awareness for how it may be affecting you both.

This is based on the stages of grieving suggested by "Dr Kubler Ross".

This is a useful model to assist your understanding of your emotions. The stages are in sequence, however the experience may be sequential or you may move backwards and forwards between two stages and stay emotionally stuck for a while.

The emotional stages of breaking up can affect both of you. But not necessarily equally.


A relationship break up can be met with disbelief. Particularly the unexpected "Dear John" You may hear plea's of "How can you do this?" Its just a trial separation. We'll be back together again in a week or two. He/She'll get over it.

Some people use the threat of separation or break up as a way of gaining significance in relationship. This is similar to a betrayal bond. The withdrawal of love or affection to gain compliance could also be emotional abuse. 


Anger is the emotional signal that our world is not how we expected to experience it and we think someone or something in particular is responsible. Both the person breaking up the relationship and the person on the receiving end can experience and express anger.

You might even be angry at yourself. How could you be so stupid, how could you have tolerated it for so long, how could they be so horrid etc. In abusive relationship's the anger can become magnified. In fact, most serious domestic violence can occur after the woman has left her abuser. 


You or your partner displays behaviour that maintains contact and attempts to avoid the break up. Give me a chance. Lets stay together for the sake of the kids. I'll change.

You might also notice sudden changes of behaviour. Your partner may become more attentive, when this hasn't been the norm. They may call or text or even email. They may want to meet or they may call round to your place uninvited. They may carry out household chores or make a plea for your help with a similar task. 


The sense of loss, the sense of no return the realisation that the bargaining has had no effect. It was unsuccessful. A feeling of failure, rejection, betrayal and loss can be prominent. But it isn't necessarily permanent.

You can go into a state where solitude is all you need. You don't want to go out, you don't want to go to work. You don't want to speak to anyone. Sometimes, it can be just as effective to allow yourself to wallow, just not for too long. It can be a choice how to pull through, and this is the ideal time to seek out a relationship breakthrough coach to pull you forward.


It really is all over. You have reached the point where you have finally come to terms with breaking up with your ex. You are ready to review the positive learnings from the relationship and move on. Again, this can be a great time to engage with a relationship breakthrough coach to pull you forward. Focus on who you want to become. The past does not equal the future.

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Action Steps...

Next Steps:

Review the Emotional Stages of Breaking Up from the top of this page,

Go back to Our Relationship Break Up Support Centre

Go deeper with Our Relationship Coaching Centre 

You can discover more about relationships at Relationship Breakthrough Coach home page and continue reading.

Why not try the Six Steps To Relationship Breakthrough E-Course for FREE, just to get you off the ground?

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