Turning your break ups and breakdowns into breakthroughs!
Relationship advice for women is about those moments before breaking up becomes a reality for you. Before you make your next move, stop!
Look inwards. Think. Is where you are heading where you want to be?
The most valuable piece of relationship advice for women and for men is that only you will truly know when the time is right for you. Yes there may be arguments, fall out, passion, anger even, but ultimately, what is it about your man that has pushed you to the limit?
Ladies, guys need to know this. Guys are going to be reading this right now. Any guy with any sense and wants to know more about how to connect with and fully support his woman that is.
So please use the space to vent if you choose, to express, to inspire and to exhilarate, if you will.
The point of a relationship is not to become yet another ship wreck! Otherwise why would we keep getting into them?
So what we do at first is we think of all the ways to make the relationship grow. All the ways to connect and share more with our partner. We are usually very proactive at first, and then it's no wonder we find our partner so attractive, because they are too!
But then what happens? The wheel's turn and more and more of our natural state of being come in to the relationship and we put in less effort than we did. And so does our partner. Its not a judgement. It's just a reality.
Challenges come up, life happens! We get a job, we lose a job. We get a bonus at work, we get a fine on the way home. You know, it's all just life. It happens to millions of people everyday!
But when we are proactive, we are steering our lives, or our relationship in a particular way, so the second piece of relationship advice for women, is know your outcome.
Knowing your outcome is so important for everything you do, but we cannot be conscious of this 24/7. There are so many times when we just let our selves be.
Then something comes up that we don't like and all of a sudden we are against the tide.
We start battling against it, like trying to row up stream. We have resistance to where life is taking us. Or more specifically where the relationship is taking us. And what happens to our energy? How proactive do we feel then?
That is precisely the point, before you make your next move, to stop.
Is where you are heading where you want to be?
It's not only the men. You are too. A "mean" machine. When ever life throws something at you, you ask your subconscious, "What does this mean?" and you will respond only to the answer you give yourself.
Heard of the principle of Perception is Projection? Another way of putting this is: you don't see things as they are, you see things as you are.
Nothing and no one has any meaning other than the meaning that you yourself give it/them. So you might be wondering where does meaning come from.
Relationship advice for women: Tip: Think of a recent incident that didn't work out as you would have wished. How did you feel about that? Just make a note of that emotion exactly as you expressed it (either verbally, or internally, whichever way you expressed it).
Now, in order to experience that emotion you decided that the incident had a meaning. What was it for you? (This is not a game about being right or wrong by the way!)
What else could it have meant? Come up with four or five different possibilities of meaning. Before you consider why you decided upon the meaning you gave it.
I would hazard a guess that your past experience and learning's have something to do with it.
Read on before I complete the process...
I asked you the specific question as "Why are all men..." on purpose. When we see a trait, a behavior, an way of being that we have experienced before, it is very easy to slip into the state that all men are cheat's, all men are b@@stards, all men are whatever! You know what I mean. The reason people do this is because we are running programs that have been created from our own unique experience. We run our own patterns, habits and behaviors and that is how we attract a certain type of person and events into our lives.
I run a workshop that is specifically about identifying the patterns we create in relationships and how to eliminate them for our current and future relationships. That is how you know the past does not equal the future.
If you change the meaning of a relationship scenario, the emotion will change in an instant. Marketers, film makers, and psychologists know this. In fact they invest a sizeable amount of all the money the world to research it. What emotion would you want to feel, powerfully from your man? You do want it more powerfully, don't you?
example. Your partner is playing soccer at lunchtime. After the match he goes for a drink with the guys. He has another, and gets carried away and doesn't get home until supper. You expected him dinner.
Firstly, give the scenario the meaning you would, then recognize that creates an emotion.
What would happen if you fully accepted that the meaning for this scenario was that your expectation was unreasonable, and, you hadn't communicated that? Please try it on. I know this might be painful but give it a go. What happens to the emotion? How would you respond from that frame of mind?
There are three simple steps to the process:
A) The occurrence
B) The meaning / or beliefs
C) The response
You can change the occurrence by being proactive. But we slip so you are forgiven (forgiveness is a key part of healthy relationship's by the way).
You can control your response. But only for so long, because just like any pressure cooker sooner or later you're gonna blow!
Neither are going to be especially helpful. So you are left with meaning. If you have limiting beliefs, work on eliminating them. If you have low self esteem you can even create meanings that keep you in that story.
Relationship advice for women: Tip: Shake it off and try on a new meaning, one that is empowering. You can start by asking yourself more empowering questions about these occurrences. (Read more about this in "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life" by Martin Seligman Ph.D. Published by Vintage Books ISBN: 1-4000-7839-3)
I said it was simple, not easy.
OK I hear ya! What next?
Divorce? Single Parent Family discount on all your holiday?
The grass isn't always greener.
Tell us what you want in a man.
If you are going to renew your quest, who shows up in your ideal world?
So you got a taste of relationship advice for women, what do you want next?
Go back to Breaking Up page or Visit our home page to continue your journey.
©2012 The Relationship Breakthrough Coach. All rights reserved.
Relationship Coaching Practice based in London UK. For Support click here...
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