Turning your break ups and breakdowns into breakthroughs!
Although the idea of new relationships might sound attractive, even exciting for some, it isn't for everyone. In fact, for many the idea of flirting, dating, sleeping with someone new is terrifying! So wherever you are on the spectrum, you're not alone!
The grass is'nt always greener and it doesn't always stay greener. New relationships bloom and fall because of one common denominator. You! Take all your old habits, behaviours and values with you and you will end up in a similar relationship drama to the one you just got out of sooner or later.
Breaking up with with your ex will leave a scar, and like a man you'll probably just ignore it. Thats why women heal differently, they pay attention to the wound, suffer it for a little while but then its gone.
Some men like to show off their scars like war wounds, but pay little attention to the deep tissue damage underneath.
Get over yourself, get over your wounds and your breakup, otherwise it will affect for longer than you think.
If you want to play around thats one thing, but if you are entertaining the thoughts of a new relationship, take care.
Would you start a new relationship with a "married woman?"
There might be an excitement, there might be a mutual understanding even, but are you really going to go through someone else's relationship disaster after your own. It would be like surviving Titanic only to be rescued by Poseidon.
(Two great movies by the way!). Well if you love an adventure, go for it!
How about a new relationship with the "Divorcee?" She ought to know better right? I mean they have been through this and they know how it feels. And they also know not to tolerate mens B.S. too! Will she trust you? Will she open to you? Maybe, but she will also be better prepared, which means if you try any of your old games, she will see right through you and your history.
The Rebound Relationship, can also be a massive source of anxiety, depression, demoralisation and they can also serve as a massive release. It all depends upon the meaning you choose to give the relationship for your life. I found a great piece on rebound relationships and second marriages that I would like to share so please check out the link. Don't just take my word for it, go and get another opinion before you realise you are worth a breakthrough or two in your relationships.
Finally, when you think about new relationships after a separation or a divorce you also have the kids to think about. Yours and Her's. What do you say? When should you introduce them? What should you absolutely not do? These are all questions subject to huge differences of opinion and experience. Why not share yours, it might just make the difference for someone else going through that challenge.
Ok So that may have all sounded a bit doom and gloom, but thats not my intention or in fact has it been my experience. I have had the pleasure of many relationship experiences since my divorce and every one has taught me something new about myself. How to enjoy sex and passion in a relationship, how to live life with shared interests, how to experience joy on a daily basis, to relive aspects of my youth that I thought would have long faded. Of course those relationships bloomed and wilted but that's OK. Without them I wouldn't be writing for you now for example. Again, its all about the meaning we attach to our experience.
I love the moment in the opening scene of Austin Powers "The Spy Who S*****d Me" when his new wife Vanessa turned out to be a fem-bot and explodes! Austin has a brief moment of sadness at the loss of his beautiful wife, before he realizes he is single again and… "Yeah Baby!" Cue the music!
Just be warned, passionate sex with a new partner is not all fun and lust (well, not all the time). And what really unhinges many people is not there own relationship but those of their ex! Yes That's right. They will meet someone too. Deal with it now and it won't bug you later.
Get over your past relationship challenges and give yourself the opportunity of a relationship breakthrough!
Review New Relationship advice for men from the top of this page.
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